I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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