If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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