She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
