Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
