if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
