Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize