He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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