I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
