I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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