somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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