Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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