There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
