i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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