Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
