You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
