if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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