# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
