Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize