btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I want her autograph on my taint
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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