My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
