Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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