I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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