When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize