elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize