I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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