I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
