i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
