Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
