Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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