i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
