you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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