my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
