Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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