Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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