I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
