Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
