Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
