I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
