My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
