Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
