It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
