just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize