I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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