I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
