textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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