she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
