ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
