hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
