just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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