dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
