The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
