so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
