Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
