why didn't you poke me back
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize