I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
