Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so let's talk penis.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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