it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
