I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize