I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize