I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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