in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
