erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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