Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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