Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
