Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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