from now on my penis is your penis
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
