Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize