the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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