I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
