He told me they were just razor bumps!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
